Are you feeling inferior to someone in your partner’s life? Do you crave attention? Are you scared of being hurt again? Is your mind accustomed to being left or cheated on so you are building up a wall to prepare for it?
Trust issues can really ruin a relationship. So, how do you deal with jealousy and live with a free mind?
Oftentimes, when you’re jealous, it can feel like there is no reason. You trust your partner and know they aren’t cheating. You know they treat you right. But, you just can’t shake those feelings of insecurity.
Even though your rational side tells you everything is fine, and there is no reason to worry or being jealous, your emotions won’t abide by your mind.
One small thing can set off jealousy. If you’ve been lied to or cheated on in the past, even a fear of abandonment or low self-esteem can make jealousy get out of control.
The reason for this is most likely your past. You could be in an amazingly healthy relationship, but sometimes your past emotional traumas can come back to bite you in the butt.
No matter how long away or how much we are over them, our past relationships steer us into the future.
So, even though you may think you are being jealous for no reason, there is a reason. It probably has nothing to do with your partner or current relationship, but fear from being hurt in the past.
If you haven’t fully faced the pain from a past relationship or the impact of it, it could be sabotaging the relationship you have now. Or if you struggle with your self-esteem and confidence, you may think you don’t deserve the relationship you’re in.
These things can subconsciously lead to jealousy that takes over your mind and even your life. And, even though feeling jealous due to your past is common, it doesn’t mean you have to suffer. You can stop being jealous for your own good.
Realising that is the first step to stop being jealous for no reason. Figuring that reason out and facing it will help you get a hold of the meaning behind your jealousy and lead to its end.
But, how do you go about dealing with your past affecting your current relationship?
1. Dig deeper
Instead of passing your jealousy off as an irrational fear and burying it deep inside, face it. Dig deep into your past and figure out what could be causing it. If you know your partner is honest and loyal, figure out what in you is struggling.
2. Deal with the past
I know this is easier said than done. Facing your past takes a lot of strength and patience. You really need to think about your prior situation and how it affected you. Sometimes, facing your past is a life long journey, but acknowledging the facts and dealing with them will help you rationalise your jealousy and release it from impacting you so much.
3. Deal with the effect of jealousy now
In order to stop being jealous, look at how it is affecting you. Is it making you lose focus at work? Are you spending time social media stalking the people in your partner’s life? Are you losing trust in your partner for no rational reason? Facing what your jealousy is doing to your life will motivate you to take more steps to let it go.
4. Make a list of what you want to work on
That’s right. Grab a pen and paper, and make a list of the things you want to work on. Do you need to work on gratitude? Do you need to appreciate the things your partner does for you? Or do you need to separate your relationship from the past? Note whatever you want to work on, then check it at least once a week to see your progress.
5. Separate yourself from your past
Your past is a part of you. To some degree, it will always affect you. But, you can learn how to let your past teach you without holding you back. Appreciate the experiences you’ve had, whether good or bad. Think about what your past has done for you. And look at how you have changed since then. Try to live in the present with your lessons but not the pain.
6. Talk to your partner
Make sure your partner knows what is going on with you. If you hold it in, it can sour your relationship and lead to resentment. Let your partner know that you are jealous and why. Let them know you trust them but can’t seem to shake feelings of jealousy due to your own issues. You are in a relationship with this person, so they should want to work with you on this. Let them know what it is that is triggering their jealousy so they can be patient with you.
7. Find healthy methods of coping
Consider what will help you in moments when your jealousy feels like it is erupting. If your partner is out with people from work and you are feeling jealous, what can you do to face that?
Would it help to just talk to a friend or your partner? Do you need to reason with yourself about the facts of the situation? Though, different things work for everyone, so it could take some time to figure out what works for you.
8. Try therapy
Sometimes we can’t fight our internal battles alone. Jealousy is powerful and asking for help from someone trained in psychology could be exactly what will get you over this hurdle. A trained professional can offer you personalized and guided methods for dealing with jealousy and your past
9. Practice self-love
Even more often than past betrayals, being jealous is often due to self-esteem issues. When we believe we are not worthy of love, we self-sabotage our own happiness. By practicing self-love, you can start to build up your confidence. When you love yourself you feel worthy of an honest relationship and your jealousy and fears will begin to dwindle.
