Tricia Iwuoha
The phrase “she stole my man” is one that’s become deeply woven into modern relationship culture. It’s a familiar storyline, one partner cheats, another person enters the picture, and someone walks away feeling robbed. But beyond the drama of it all lies an important question: can someone truly steal another person’s partner?
To “steal” implies ownership; that a person belonged to someone else in the first place. Yet, people aren’t possessions. They have agency, choice, and free will. When someone chooses to leave a relationship for another, it isn’t theft. It’s a decision often painful, but still a choice.
That’s not to say the hurt isn’t valid. Infidelity or betrayal can shatter trust and self-esteem. But the narrative that someone was “stolen” gives power to the wrong person. It shifts responsibility away from the partner who made the choice to leave, and places it on the one they left for.
If a relationship is rooted in mutual respect, loyalty, and shared values, no outsider can easily dismantle it. People may be tempted or attracted elsewhere, but commitment is about consciously choosing to stay. Love that’s authentic and grounded doesn’t slip away because someone new appears – it endures because both people actively protect it.
When a relationship ends due to someone else’s involvement, it’s often a symptom of something deeper, unmet needs, weakened connection, or emotional distance. The third party might have been a catalyst, but not the cause.
So, perhaps it’s time we retired the idea of “stolen partners.”
No one can steal a person who truly wants to stay. And if they can be taken, then what you lost was never truly secure in the first place.
In matters of the heart, ownership doesn’t exist only choice does.
