By Tricia Iwuoha
Love is supposed to feel like warmth, steady, open, and reassuring. Yet for many people, it becomes a battlefield where affection is weaponised, boundaries are dismissed, and peace comes only when the other person is in a good mood. Toxic relationships don’t always start loud; sometimes they begin quietly, disguised as intense passion, overwhelming attention, or the familiar excuse of “that’s just how I am.” But over time, they drain, weaken, and reshape a person into someone they barely recognise.
There is a moment in every toxic relationship when the truth becomes impossible to ignore. It might come during an argument, in the heaviness of a long night of silence, or in a quiet flash of realisation that you’ve forgotten who you were before this person entered your life. Whatever form it takes, the truth remains: what you’re in is not love at least, not the kind that grows, builds, or heals.
Toxic relationships often masquerade as passion. They begin with intensity, devotion, and promises that feel too big to question. But slowly, the glow fades and the cracks begin to show. What once felt flattering starts to feel suffocating. The person who claimed to love you learns how to bruise without touching, how to control without raising their voice, and how to make you doubt the very things you once knew for certain.
But here is the truth: you don’t have to remain in a relationship that breaks you.
The Psychology of Staying
People outside the situation often ask, “Why don’t you just leave?” But leaving a toxic relationship is not a simple switch. It requires unlearning fear, rebuilding confidence, and confronting emotions that feel overwhelming. People stay because:
- They remember the early days when everything felt perfect.
- They fear starting over.
- They’ve been manipulated into believing they’re the problem.
- They’re tired, confused, hopeful, or afraid sometimes all at once.
But none of these reasons obligate you to stay. You don’t owe anyone your silence, your tears, or your future.
The Invisible Damage
Toxic relationships don’t always leave visible scars, but their impact is profound:
- Self-doubt becomes second nature.
- Your identity becomes negotiable.
- Your joy becomes rationed.
- Your boundaries become blurred.
Suddenly, love feels like work exhausting, unending work. You find yourself giving, apologising, adjusting, shrinking. And in the process, you lose the person who once believed they were deserving of tenderness.
What Healthy Love Actually Looks Like
Many people don’t recognise toxicity because they have never experienced healthy love.
Healthy love isn’t perfect it’s honest, steady, and safe. It respects boundaries, nurtures without controlling, listens, apologises, and grows. Most importantly, it makes room for your individuality instead of suffocating it. If your relationship does the opposite, then it is not love it is emotional labour disguised as affection.
Why Choose Yourself
There is a moment after leaving a toxic relationship when the world feels strangely quiet. But in that silence, you rediscover yourself. You learn to breathe without fear. You reconnect with the parts of you that were buried under someone else’s insecurity.
You realise that the love you were fighting so hard to keep was never worth the version of yourself you were losing. And then you finally understand: leaving a toxic relationship is not a sign of weakness. It is a declaration of self-worth. It is not the end of your story rather, it is the beginning of a life where you can finally breathe.
